O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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