It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
