i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
