I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
