I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
