can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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