The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
