How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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