i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
