nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
