Ketchup is God's man juice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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