all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
