If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
