soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
