Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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