I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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