never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
