haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
