Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
