You just made me feel so damn special
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
