Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
