I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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