Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
