Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
