I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
