would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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