Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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