your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
