And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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