dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
