Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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