the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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