she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
