Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
