The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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