i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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