the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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