someone threw a dead crab at me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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