The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
