I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
