Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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