I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
