did you get engaged???
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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