im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
