is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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