I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
