She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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