I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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