I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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