I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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