Say something about gay babies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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