He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
worst night to have a conscience
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found the puke drawer
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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