Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
