oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
