i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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