So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
