What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
