She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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