if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
