1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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