im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
whose parrot is this?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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