Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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