Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This house was built for laser tag.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize