New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
