Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
