No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's blow job season.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
