pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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