I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how drunk are you?
Several
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
