God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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