what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
