this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
