evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
