I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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