When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
