I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
