Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
