I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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