just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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