We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
